wana laugh?

[AV6NHBP6SPD]

My wife isn't talking to me today. Last night we were out for dinner and I ordered a steak done rare. The server asked if I was concerned about mad cow. I replied "No, she can order her own meal".



I don't want to come off as a male chauvinist pig, but..........






Has your girlfriend/wife put on a little weight over the last while?

If so, encourage her to walk 3 miles in the morning and then 3
miles again in the evening.

By the end of the week the fat bitch will be 42 miles away

[AV6NHBP6SPD]

Life and Business Lessons

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.


Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.


An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..

Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

[exelr8]

^^^ HAHAHAHAHAHA Misha, I needed that.

[dizzle]

lol misha those were great

[dizzle]

[exelr8]

True story... My true story from today.


 I just got sharted on by my sleeping dog. FML

[AV6NHBP6SPD]

Two sisters , one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In
order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.


Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.'


The brunette arrives at the man's ranch with $600, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it.
The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.'

The telegraph ope rator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then
adds, it will cost 99 cents a word.
' Well, after paying for the bull, the
brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.


After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send
her the word 'comfortable.'


The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you
want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to
haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word 'comfortable?'


The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word is big. She'll read
it very slowly.... 'com-for-da-bul.

Bike won't start after using NOS fuel additive : Suzuki GSX-R Motorcycle Forums: Gixxer.com


ROFL

EPIC FAIL  :kilt:

[dizzle]

lmao that was a funny one

[AV6NHBP6SPD]

got it from Ashley just now


THE LORD & THE BIKER

A man was riding his Harley along a California highway when suddenly

the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said,

   

'Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways,

I will grant you one wish.'

   

The biker pulled over and said,

'Build a bridge to

  Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.

   

The Lord said, 'That request is materialistic, think of the enormous

challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach

the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take!

It will nearly exhaust several natural resources.

I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly

things.

Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help

mankind.'

The biker thought about it for a long time.

   

   

Finally, he said, 'Okay, I wish that I, and all men, could understand

our wives; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking

when she gives

 me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she

means when she says 'nothing's wrong', and how I can make a

woman truly happy.'

   

   

   

   

And the Lord replied, 'You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?'

[AV6NHBP6SPD]

lolo, roflmaoooooooooooooo

http://s156.photobucket.com/albums/t12/rhowitt/?action=view&current=zooadventures.flv

A wealthy couple prepared to go out for the evening. The woman of the house gave their butler, Jervis, the night off. She said they would return home very late, and she hoped he would enjoy his evening.


Unfortunately, the wife wasn't having a good time at the party, so she came home early, alone. Her husband stayed on, socializing with important clients. As the woman walked into her house, she found Jervis by himself in the dining room. She called him to follow her, and led him into the master bedroom.


She turned to him and said, in the voice she knew he must obey: "Jervis, I want you to take off my dress."


This he did, hanging it carefully over a chair. "Jervis," she continued, "now take off my stockings and garter belt."


Again, Jervis silently obeyed: "Now, Jervis, I want you to remove my bra and panties."


Eyes downcast, Jervis obeyed. Both were breathing heavily, the tension mounting between them. She looked sternly at him and said: "Jervis, if I ever catch you wearing my stuff again, you're fired!"

[dizzle]

Japanese Game show of Human Tetris

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4bekQU9l8hk

[ibcnunv]

Trunk Monkey;

<object width="560" height="340"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/bPINO_N_rbY&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/bPINO_N_rbY&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object>

[AV6NHBP6SPD]

Trunk Monkey;

<object width="560" height="340"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/bPINO_N_rbY&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/bPINO_N_rbY&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object>

seen most of them. Piero you should get one, since you already have one on outside so its kinda like warning

[dizzle]

Blood-a

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pzWeaEiaabQ

[ibcnunv]

Blood-a

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pzWeaEiaabQ

Na funny!!!!!!!  

LOL