ECM Chatroom

[exelr8]

I'm just happy I get free tickets free beer and my friend is driving up there so I won't spend any money

[b_beau_09]

So my bachelor party is in two weeks..  My best man is basically failing hardcore at this.  I've pretty much planned the whole thing, and been in touch with all the other guys to make sure the plans are okay.  All he's done is send a couple emails asking guys for suggestions, and then sent the email when I settled on the plans.  I gave him all of the contact information for the guys, included phone numbers so he could call them.  He bitches when he doesn't get a response in the form of an email, but won't pick up the phone to call or text anyone.

Anyways, since I was done trying to get something big to happen, we settled on dinner and bar hopping.  Today we were talking and he mentioned that after dinner he's done spending money.  So to me, that sounds like I'm on my own for getting drinks (even though i'm sure the other guys would be pitching in).  I understand that he doesn't drink... but he's the best man.  Am I wrong in assuming that he should be organizing all of this, and getting with the other guys for who's going to pay for things?  I didn't think I was supposed to be paying for anything at my own bachelor party.

This guy is one of my closest friends and I've definitely known him for the longest amount of time.  So I'm not sure how to express my disappointment..

[Rushzer0]

I'm pretty sure your not supposed to spend any money, judging by the bachelor parties I was at. That's kind of a bad situation to be in, personally I would have picked the go-getter party man from the group to plan the bachelor party, where your best man doesn't drink it would only seem logical. He might have not even taken offense to that fact. (Judging by what your saying about the planning and contacting) It's not like you would be diminishing the title of best man any, I mean he will still be the guy standing next to you when your getting married. I'm lucky my group of friends all agreed whenever one of us gets married it's a roadtrip to Quebec to see a habs game and strippers and best man will be a name drawn out of a hat because were all so close (grew up together like since we were 5) it won't matter which of us gets picked

[accordguy04]

Yeah, thats a sticky situation.  But I dont think your in the wrong for thinking that you shouldnt have to pay for anything at your own bachelor party.  Hopefully the other guys step up and cover the rest.  

[status]

plan dinner somewhere else, forget to tell him. when he calls to ask where you guys are say he didnt answer the phone.
when at the bars find some weirdo make friends with him tell your best man the weirdo is now your best man. and proceed to kick you old best man in the nuts and say when you get married and we plan your bachlor party were going to ihop bitch.

[alpha]

Sorry to hear that Brian.  The other guys will want to pitch in anyway.  They'll at least buy you a drink or two.

But you're right, you should not have to pay anything at your bachelor party.  Your best man should not necessarily be the one to pay for everything, but he should be the one to coordinate with the rest of the groomsmen about expenses and planning.  It's understandable if he feels like the expenses should be split up, especially if he cannot afford to pay for the whole thing (it's also not fair that he cover all the cost); but he should be coordinating with the other groomsmen about how much each person is willing to pay/should be paying, not telling you that "he's only covering dinner."  You shouldn't worry about anything other than having a good time with friends.

[Rushzer0]

Sorry to hear that Brian.  The other guys will want to pitch in anyway.  They'll at least buy you a drink or two.

But you're right, you should not have to pay anything at your bachelor party.  Your best man should not necessarily be the one to pay for everything, but he should be the one to coordinate with the rest of the groomsmen about expenses and planning.  It's understandable if he feels like the expenses should be split up, especially if he cannot afford to pay for the whole thing (it's also not fair that he cover all the cost); but he should be coordinating with the other groomsmen about how much each person is willing to pay/should be paying, not telling you that "he's only covering dinner."  You shouldn't worry about anything other than having a good time with friends.

^This

You shouldn't worry about anything other than having a good time with friends.

^And especially this

[b_beau_09]

Thanks for the affirmation guys.  I don't mind putting up some money for drinks, especially when my best man doesn't drink.  He was talking about only paying for his meal and 1/5 of mine (split between everyone).  Nothing more.  I also know his salary, and he's not suffering at all. 

I think the biggest reason it bothers me so much is that he's telling me about all these incredibly expensive gifts he's getting for his wife for christmas.  Which I can generally understand, EXCEPT..  His wife just came out and told him that she cheated on him and has been talking to multiple other men behind his back.  She doesn't deserve anything.  She doesn't even deserve for him to have stayed with her.

/end rant.

[accordguy04]

Dam... the plot thickens... The Sucks B.

I'm best man at my buddies wedding next summer.  He lives down in NC, which sucks because we cant really have a "bachelor party" per say, so I'm drivin down with the rest of the groomsmen a day early and were gonna take him out for a night of fun.  I dont plan on lettin him pay for anything, thats just how it should be.

[alpha]

Thanks for the affirmation guys.  I don't mind putting up some money for drinks, especially when my best man doesn't drink.  He was talking about only paying for his meal and 1/5 of mine (split between everyone).  Nothing more.  I also know his salary, and he's not suffering at all.  

The meal part, I can understand.  But just because he doesn't drink doesn't mean that he can't buy you a drink or two.

I think the biggest reason it bothers me so much is that he's telling me about all these incredibly expensive gifts he's getting for his wife for christmas.  Which I can generally understand, EXCEPT..  His wife just came out and told him that she cheated on him and has been talking to multiple other men behind his back.  She doesn't deserve anything.  She doesn't even deserve for him to have stayed with her.

/end rant.

That isn't your battle.  I know that he's your best man, and your closest friend, but he's an adult.  If he decides that he wants to try and salvage what he has left of a failing marriage by buying his wife expensive gifts, then that's a mistake he has to make and learn from.  You can advise him against it, but if his mind is made up, he'll do what he wants to do.  Don't let his drama affect your relationship with him.

Because of this though, he's probably not thinking rationally.  He understands he is the best man, but he's probably trying to put his money into trying to save his marriage.

Not that I'm trying to justify his actions, but maybe just give you a little bit of perspective of why.  I don't know if this is the real reason why, but its a possibility.

Either way, just be happy that you are getting married, and have fun with your friends.  At least your best man will be there to celebrate with you.  It could be worse, he could have cancelled on you, leaving you with having to choose a new best man and then possibly lose him as a friend.  Don't worry about the money, it'll just stir up drama that doesn't need to be there.

[b_beau_09]

yeah, I mean, I may just be reading into it too much, but to me, it really sounds like he's not going to even offer to pay for a drink.  Here's the quote from the email he sent me "After the meal though, I'm not really planning on spending any more money aside from gas to get around."  Oh well.  I know there's going to be a bunch of other guys there that will be keeping my thirst at bay all night.

Ryan, where abouts in NC?  I agree, unless you're literally broke and have no job, the best man and groomsmen should be taking care of the groom on his bachelor party no matter what the activity.  Especially when the meal you're paying for is going to be less than $30 with the portion of mine tacked on.

Mark, I fully agree with everything you said.  It's why I've kept my opinions out our discussions about his marriage unless he's directly asked me what he should do.  in the end, he is still one of my best friends, and I support him in whatever he chooses to do with his life/marriage.  I was just hoping for more for a bachelor party.  None of this is going to change our friendship though.

I think it's because I just watched what Rachel's (my fiancee) friends put together for her.  It was this big ellaborate event and she had absolutely no hand in the planning (it was all a surpirse).  Hell, they even bought her an outfit to wear.  And they're all poor college kids.  I just wanted my friends to do something cool like that for me..

[Rushzer0]

Ya girls love planning for stuff like that though, one funny cool idea I saw was that the groom wore a t-shirt with a check list of stuff he had to do (get a number, get a girl to buy him a shot, so many beers etc) thing is they chained a buoy to his leg with 2 locks (The Ol ball and chain) ahah and the only way they would give him the key was to finish the checklist, so he had to carry this buoy around all night lol and when he finished the list they gave him the key to one of the locks and handed him a tshirt with even more stuff on it . Another idea my friends and I did was start a change jar at my buddies place if you come in you drop in your change and the first one to get married that goes towards the bachelor party it's up around $300 now.

[accordguy04]

Hes outside of Wilmington.  The wedding is gonna be at Wrightsville beach, where they saw that 25 foot GREAT WHITE shark last week. haha

[b_beau_09]

Ya girls love planning for stuff like that though, one funny cool idea I saw was that the groom wore a t-shirt with a check list of stuff he had to do (get a number, get a girl to buy him a shot, so many beers etc) thing is they chained a buoy to his leg with 2 locks (The Ol ball and chain) ahah and the only way they would give him the key was to finish the checklist, so he had to carry this buoy around all night lol and when he finished the list they gave him the key to one of the locks and handed him a tshirt with even more stuff on it . Another idea my friends and I did was start a change jar at my buddies place if you come in you drop in your change and the first one to get married that goes towards the bachelor party it's up around $300 now.

See that's the kind of stuff I wish the guys would come up with for me.  It would be awesome to do something like that.  Sounds like you and your friends are really close.

Ryan, gotcha, southern part of NC.  have fun with the sharks.. hahaha.

[accordguy04]

Not sure how much swimmin I'll be doin, the weddings in Sept. haha